"Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them - that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like."
I am was thinking. Do I am a good friend enough? A good mate? A good daughter, sister, lover?
Well, I am remember when I am attended ODE class during 2nd semester. We may have a good or a bad friends. But from the bad friends, we may find out that they are actually so bad so good (50-50) or really bad bad friends. Thus, do I am a good or bad-good or bad-bad friend ever?
I am just don't know about my real feeling toward my friends. I am just want to be nice to everyone. But do I am really care about them? Do I am really update what was going on? Do I am really hear to their problems or happiness and always be there for them? Do I am regularly contact them?
Actually, it was really awkward for me to contact someone regularly (accept for my family) just to ask whether they are OK or not. It just not my habit. I am hope that everyone could understand this. When I am not contact you, it doesn't mean that I am not want to have any friends relationship or whatsoever. It just so not me to say 'Hi' to everyone. Like what one of my friend had said, 'if you are so friendly enough, why not you first contact me?'
It is easier to said than do it, right. Hmmp. I have friends who I though that they are my best-friend. Like what I had state before, I am just not really regularly contact them as we are far apart from each other after high-school. I am just doubted. Do I am really their best-friend or not? Do they think I am a good friend or else. These feeling appear as I am feeling a bit jealous when they keep contact each other regularly, but me? Seldom and I am always not have a good timing when contacting them.
Apparently, we do not have the same timetable is the biggest factor due to the different university and courses of course. I am also feeling left behind and this make me not going to meet them regularly. But the true is, I am always open and OK if they ask me to hangout. Instead, I am choose to go to my sister house and play around with my nephews.
I am choose to find my own happiness and not to attached to anyone else as I am not believe that I could have a really true friend ever who I can tell everything about myself, my family, my problem, my happiness, my love and etc. LOL. It just like Suh Joon in Love Rain, korean drama. He do not believe in love, until he find out his true love who he never ever hurt, then he do believe in love. Well, maybe there will be someone out there who I can really believe in and be my soul mate and by that time, I would all out telling everything to that somebody.
After all, in whatever situation, I am going to curse myself for being to nice and do notings to get one best friend. Well, everyone said, 'every girl, there must be a best girl friend who will always beside you whatever happen.' But this not me. I am feeling that I am do not have one. Or do I am really do not qualify to have one? Don't know. Hmp.
Well, I am hoping that, one fine day, I would get one; who understand me and willing to hear to me. And I am of course will readily to hear from her too.
Thus, at this moment, I am just going to follow the flow. Do things according to my heart. There will be one day, InsyaAllah.